Bul sipatty ádiletsiz ómirge ókpesi osynsha úlken bolǵanmen, aǵamyz ózi ortadan tómen, kishigirim ǵana aqyn bolatyn. Sol sebepti, aǵama qatysty alǵanda, ómirdi sonshalyq ádiletsiz dep aita almas edim... Hosh... Endi, mine... qarasam, sol aǵamnyń jasyna men de kelip qalyppyn... Qarasam, sol aǵamda joqtyń bári – mende de joq... Bul endi – ádiletsizdik!.. Sóz joq, ádiletsizdik.
Áidik aqyn degen dardai atym bola tura, men nege sonyń bárinen qury qaldym?.. Sony oilaǵanda, qatty qapa bolyp, ózimdi aiap, kózimniń jasyn bala-shaǵaǵa kórsetpei, syǵyp-syǵyp aldym da, qarap otyrmai, bir áreket jasaýǵa bel býdym. Orden-medal, ataq, syilyqtan endi úmit joq... Biraq maǵan, qaitkende de, bir mashina miný kerek!.. Nege dep suramańyz... Mashina minem - bitti!..
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Áiteýir, jarqyraǵan bir sheteldik kólik minsem, ómirde ketken bar esem qaitardai, nápsimniń osy qalaýyna bailandym da qaldym. Ne istemek kerek? Jaqyn mańda ótkize qoiar mereitoiym da joq. Bola qalǵanda da, eńbegimdi elep, tegin kólik mingize salar ókimet, ne meniń áidik aqyndyǵyma pysqyryp jatqan tanys-jýyq baishykesh bar ma?.. Oilap-oilap, mashinany óz eńbegimmen taýyp, minbekke bekindim. Ony jyldam tabýdyń jalǵyz-aq amaly... – aitysqa qatysý!.. Jáne qarsylastyń bárin tas-talqan etip, báigeni jeńip alý. Júldege, mindetti túrde, mashina tigiledi... Kórip júrmin, qyryq jyl aqyn bolyp, elý birdeńe kitap shyǵaryp, biz minbegen shirkindi, dombyrasyn sabalap, erinbei on bes minýt óleń aitqan kez-kelgen murynboq, kákir-shúkir, bala-shaǵa qaǵyp áketip júr... Meili ǵoi, "baidyń asyn qyzǵanar baiǵusyń" men emes... Biraq maǵan qalaida mashina miný kerek!.. Bul maqsattan meni endi eshqandai kúsh, eshbir saitan ainyta almaidy! Osy qý temir úshin men kez-kelgen bala-shaǵamen qyrqysýǵa daiynmyn!..
Árine, bul aitysqa qatysý maǵan ońai bolǵan joq. Men ana... Rinat, Balǵynbekter siiaqty aitysyp, aty shyqqan adam emespin. Aitysa alatynymdy dáleldeý úshin, úide qyryq jyldan beri qańsyp jatqan sharqysh dombyramdy ala kelip, Júrsin Ermanovtyń aldynda, artyq-kemi joq, jańaǵy... on bes minýt boiy toqtamai, sýyryp salyp óleń aitýǵa týra keldi... Sóitip, aitysqa, aqyry, qatysatyn boldym. Aitysker jigitterge de raxmet, árine... Kárisiń dep, shetke qaqpady.
Ras, Júkeń jetelep ákep, ortalaryna qosqanda, aiý kórgendei biraz údireiiskenmen, artynan kózderi úirenip ketti. Jerebe tartylyp, aitysatyn juptar irikteldi... Áýeli bir qudai, sosyn kókeidi tesken kóliktiń elesi qýat berip, qarsylastarymnyń oń kelgenin - oń, sol kelgenin - sol laqtyryp, osy qarqynnan taimaǵan qalpy, finaldan bir-aq shyqtym!.. Qyzyq ta sonda bastaldy...
Finalda qoiylǵan shart – aitysatyn eki aqyn birin-biri aiamai maqtaý kerek eken... Kim neǵurlym kórkem jáne neǵurlym asyra maqtasa – báige sonyki. Munysy endi maǵan qiyn soǵatyn túri bar. Ómirimde, sebepsizden sebepsiz, betalbaty kisi maqtap kórmegen basym, sasaiyn dedim. Qarsymdaǵy, ózim búgin ǵana kórip otyrǵan, tazsha bala syqpytty, myna uzyn muryn, úńireigen saryǵa ne dep maqtaý aitýǵa bolady?!. Ol kim sonsha, maqtaityndai?!. Poshymyna qarap, qansha oilansam da, tilimniń ushyna sóz oralar emes... Kókeiimdi jegi qurttai tesken bir kólikke endi jetem be degende... mynaý sumdyq boldy. Aitysty bastar aldyndaǵy kirispe sózin aiaqtai bergen Ermanovqa, eskiden tanys-bilistigimdi paidalanyp, "mynaý bastasynshy" degen isharamen ym qaǵyp edim, kóp jasaǵyr, túsine qoiyp, saryǵa "sen bastaisyń" dedi.
Qarsylasym, jas bolǵanmen, talaidy kórgen jyryndy eken. Sońǵy jyldary gazet oqymaimyn, teledidar qaramaimyn, aitys, kontsert degenge barýdy qoiǵam – qaidan bileiin... Men bilmegenmen, mynaýyń qanshama aitysta top jaryp, qos-qosynan mashina minip, milliondap báige alyp, kekirigi azǵan qý kórinedi... Moiny quryqtai bolyp, murny salbyrap, suńqiyp otyrysy jaman... Juqalap bastap, birte-birte maqtannyń kópshigin astyma qalyńdata tósep, suńqiǵan qý uzaq jyr tolǵady. Sonda aitty: ei, qaraǵaiǵa qarsy bitken butaqtai qyrsyq aǵam-ai, talǵamyńa adam tatymai, osy kúnge deiin jarytyp eshkimdi maqtamap eń... Qarashy endi, óziń de maqtaýsyz qaldyń... Zamanyńnyń tili - maqtaý edi, sen sony uqpadyń! Sodan da ataqsyz, marapatsyz qaldyń... Áitpese, kimnen kem ediń?! Osy aitysqa dóp keldiń - qadirińdi biler inińe tap keldiń. Altynmenen aptaiyn, kúmispenen kúpteiin, al, tyńda! - degen sarynda tókpelep kelip:
Aqyndyqta – erensiń,
Adamdyqta – kemelsiń!
Sondai da sondai aǵany
Qai asylǵa teńersiń! – dep, jeldirmelep bir qaiyrdy. Jurt "paý!" deskenmen, osy kúni toi jasap, shai bergen árkim-aq estip júrgen suńqyl ǵoi... Bylq etpedim. Endi ne aitasyń degendei, betine baqyraia qarap otyrmyn. Suńqyldaq sary bul maqtaýymen meniń ǵumyrynda maqtaý kórmei, qatyp qalǵan burandalarymdy bosata almaǵanyn baiqap, dombyrasyn qaǵyp-qaǵyp jiberip, ary qarai ketti. Endi: ei, aǵasy! Sen - dariianyń túbinen tolqyn kótergen nahan balyq bolsań, men - sý betinen shirkei qaqqan shynashaqtai ǵana shabaqpyn... Osy joly sizden jeńilsem de, batańyzdy alyp qalsam, maǵan - sol abyroi... – dep soqty. Óleńi men madaǵyn onsha mensinip otyrmasam da, myna adamgershiligi qatqan muzymdy jibitkendei boldy... Ásirese, "jeńilsem de" degen sózi janyma jaǵyp barady!.. Sol sol-aq eken, meniń de qarysyp qalǵan jaǵym ashylyp, bailanyp otyrǵan tilim sheshilip júre berdi... Úni buzyq jaman dombyramdy qańǵyrlatyp, biraz madaq aityp tastadym... Aitys deitin ónerdiń juldyzysyń, inim... El-jurtyńa súikimdi hám qyz-qyrqynnyń kóz qurty bolǵan nur júzińdi osynsha jaqyn otyryp kórem dep oilappyn ba!.. Sen, shyraǵym, baiaǵy Janaq, Túbektiń jalǵasysyń, Súiinbai, Jambyldyń kózisiń, búgingi Isa Baizaqovtyń ózisiń... degen jerge kelgende, buryn mundai paryqsyz madaq aityp kórmegen tájiribesiz nadan tilimniń qatty burap aýyryp, tisimniń qalai qaqsap-syrqyrap qoia bergenin kórseńiz!.. Betim ot bop jandy... Biraq mashina kerek bolsa, shydaisyń...
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Ary qarai kettim. Ónerpazdyǵyn, sheshendigin, alǵyrlyǵyn aita kelip, qusta – bulbul, suńqarǵa, ańda – jolbarys, qasqyrǵa teńedim... Budan asyryp maqtaiyn desem, betim shydamai barady... Endi bolmasa, ne qarqyldap kúlip jiberem, ne... dombyramdy laqtyryp, saxnadan tura qasham!.. Biraq, mashina kerek bolsa, maǵan óitýge esh bolmaidy! Qysylǵannan mańdaiymnan burqyrap bý shyqty. Ǵajap!.. Osy jurt, beti búlk etpei, qalai maqtai beredi eken birin-biri!.. Jon arqamnan josylyp aqqan ter, áýen yrǵaǵymen teńsele, aiaǵymdy silki túsip, kezindegi Aitaqyn Bulǵaqovsha, jer tepkilegen saiyn, balaǵymnan shashyrap otyr... Sol kezde osynaý betsiz madaǵyma, álde meniń maqtaýymmen jarqyn beinesi jańasha somdalǵan qarsylasyma riza bolǵan kópshilik dý qol shapalaq uryp, dúrligisip ketti. Aiǵai-shý, ysqyryq... Sony paidalanyp, sary balaǵa kezegin usynyp qutyldym da, qaltamnan betoramalymdy shyǵardym... Ýh!..
Men siiaqty úlken aqynnan munsha madaq kútpese kerek, sary bala tańdanǵannan uzyn murny odan saiyn salbyrap, eseńgirep otyr eken. Qansha degenmen, jas emes pe, erinniń ebimen ǵana qiystyryp sairaǵan arzan lepesim býynyna túsip-aq ketse kerek...
Biraq talai maidandy kórgen pále ǵoi, jasaýraǵan kózin shapanynyń jeńimen súikep-súikep jiberip, eltigen boiyn tez jinaqtap, qarshyǵadai qomdandy. Uzyn-sonar madaq tyńdaý kezegi maǵan keldi... Odan soń, men aityp, ol tyńdady... Osy alma-kezek madaqtasý zaldaǵy myńdaǵan adamnyń dý-dý qoshamet, keý-keýimen saǵattarǵa sozyldy. Madaq sózdiń nebir kórkem úlgileri, altyn-gáýhar, injý-marjandary aityldy! Onyń bárin termeshtep qaitem, esimde de joq. Tek... jaishylyqta aqshaǵa satyp ala almaityn madaqtar edi, átteń... Maqtaý sózdiń qudireti-ai, shirkin! Osy kúnge deiin sony bilsemshi... Jaqsy maqtaýǵa alpys eki tamyryń iip, súiek-súiegiń balqyǵanda, qandai súikimsiz bolsa da, qarsylasyńdy bas salyp, qushaqtap, súigiń keletin sátter de bolady eken...
Biraq mashina alý úshin, bosańsymaý kerek, qara aǵashtan qatty bolý kerek... Buryn kim kórgen – madaq aitys degenińiz... kásibi boksqa uqsaityn óner me dep qaldym... Qarsylasymnyń (aýyr salmaqty ekenin endi baiqadym) ońnan, soldan, tike jaýǵan aýyr maqtaýlary meni qańǵalaq qaqtyryp, bara-bara... múlde qańǵytaiyn dedi. Basym isteýden qalyp, tityqtap, qaji bastadym. Óitkeni, sońǵy bir-eki soqqysy, anyq, iektiń astynan ketti... Árine, qorǵana bilý, dál soqqy jasaý jáne ony, retine qarai, es jiǵyzbai, ústemelete jaýdyrý – úlken óner. Biraq qarymta soqqyǵa tóze bilý odan da mańyzdyraq eken... Ringtegi bir shaiqasty kórgem... Boksshylardyń biri – sheber de, ekinshisi – soqqy qabyldaýǵa arnap jasaǵan jýan tulyp siiaqty edi. "Tulyptyń" basy shoiynnan quiǵan kónek dersiń... - qansha soqqy alsa da, jyǵylmady. Upai sanymen jeńilse de, áiteýir, ringte jairap qalmai, abyroimen ketti. Ras, aiqas bitkende, tentek bolǵan tanadai, sharshy alańdaǵy óz buryshyn taba almai, laǵyp ketkeni bolmasa... Al men myna saiystan saý ketpeitin siiaqtymyn... Qarsylasym qaita-qaita tyqsyryp, buryshqa qamap, tulyp qylyp sabai bastady... Bet qaratpai borandatqan surapyl madaqtardan miym ainalyp, átkenshekte otyrǵandai, kóz aldymda shaiqalyp turǵan dúnie, endi aýdarylyp-tóńkerilip, aýnai bastady. Mashinasy qursyn, osy masqaraǵa bosqa urynǵanyma endi ókine bastaǵanda, ananyń kezegi bitip ketip, maǵan sóz tiip, janym bir qaldy... Áitpese, tuiaq serpýge keltirmei, túbime jeteri anyq edi!..
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Árine, men de aianyp jatqan joqpyn, biraq maqtaý men dattaýǵa erte aralasyp, ábden tóselgen kásipqoidyń jóni bólek qoi... Obal-saýapqa qaramaityn myna paryqsyz, uiatsyz, jaramsaq, keneýsiz tarqyldaq maqtan, ótirik áspet, kólgir qurmet jailaǵan álemge dinozavrlar zamanynan adasyp kelgen ebedeisiz qubyjyq siiaqty sezindim ózimdi... Biraq jan bermek ońai ma - áiteýir, aýadan qarmap, joqtan jalǵap, maqtaý sózdiń jańaǵy aitqan túr-túrine besikten beli shyqpai sýyrylyp otyrǵan sum balaǵa, tapqan madaǵymdy, tise - terekke, timese - butaqqa, men de shirei tartyp, atyp-aq jatyrmyn... Táńiri atqandy - táńiri atqan maqtaidy demekshi, birte-birte ekeýmiz de uiattan kettik. Pende balasy osalmyz ǵoi... Ásirese maqtaý sózge... Sum sary ana bir maqtaýyn aitqanda, mańdaiymnan ter shyqty, endi bir sóziniń tusynda tizem dirildedi, shekem shyńyldady... Keide, tipti, ishi-baýyrym eljirep, til-aýyzdan qalyp, kózimnen jas sorǵalai jazdaǵan sátter boldy!.. Ony aitasyz, maqtaý súiekten tym ótip ketken kezde, esirtki shegip alǵandai...keńkildep kúlgenimdi qaitersiz... Anaý da, qansha degenmen, et pen súiekten jaralǵan, ózim siiaqty qorash pende ǵoi – meniń qolqa-júrekti sýyrǵan qaibir tátti madaǵyma shydai almai, óksip-óksip qalyp, esin tez jiyp ala qoiatynyn da kórip otyrmyn. Bir-birimizden madaǵymyz asyp túsken saiyn, býynymyz bosap, kezek-kezek álsirep ketemiz... Jalpy, baiqaǵanym, maqtaý sózge senip qalý shart emes eken. Qansha ótirik ekenin bilip tursań da, býynyńdy almai qoimaidy, saitan!.. Áiteýir, qulap qalmaý, múrdem ketpeý - ekeýmizge de basty maqsatqa ainaldy. Endi bir oraida, álgi neme jalpaq eldiń maǵan degen sheksiz maxabbaty týraly bir tosyn áńgime bastady... Osy tusta qattyraq teńselip ketip, syr berip alyppyn. Sony sezip qalǵan jyrtqysh endi es jidyrmai, eselei soǵyp, ekilene tópedi!.. Men sol qisaiǵannan ońala almai, jandármen typyrlap jatqanda:
"Tirshilikke nár bergen,
Jer-jahanǵa sán bergen,
Ashyqqanǵa nan bergen,
Alysqanǵa ál bergen ,
Qudiretsiń sen!.." – dep saldy... Ne bolǵanymdy bilmei kettim... Bul ne mazaq?!. Adamdy osylai masqaralaýǵa bola ma!.. Esimdi shala-sharpy jiǵan boida, ornymnan tura umtylyp, jaǵasynan ala kettim. Apyr-topyr... Kózime qan tolyp ketken... Bir qarasam, Júrsin Ermanov araǵa túsip, jalynyp, arasha surap júr, "aý, munyńyz ne, jas balamen tóbelesip" dep... Bala bolmai qalsyn... Pále bul!.. Qyzyq izdep kelgen jurtqa toi boldy. Aqyry, ekeýmizdi ajyratyp, ornymyzǵa otyrǵyzdy. Maǵan endi bulai istesem, aitystan qýylatynym aityldy. Anaǵan da "qudyretke jetkizbei maqtaý kerek, yńǵaisyz bolady" degen syńaida eskertý jasaldy... Aitys ári qarai jalǵasty.
Jyrtylǵan jaǵamyzdy túzep, kógergen-qyzarǵan jerlerimizdi sipap-sipap qoiyp, bir-birimizdi qaita maqtaýǵa kiristik. Biraq qiiýy bir ketken dúnie qiyn ǵoi, yza men jábirden qystyǵyp, aýyzǵa jóndi sóz iliger emes. Qarsymdaǵy uzyn tumsyq sarynyń ekinshi tynysy ashylyp, dollarǵa shaqqandaǵy bopyr teńgedei qopsyp, údep barady... Men – beishara munaidyń baǵasyndai shógip baram, shógip baram... Onyń ústine myna sumyrai baryp turǵan plagiatshy eken. Judyryq tiip, dobaldai bop isip, jumylyp ketken kózin syǵyraityp alyp, dombyra ekpinimen shabyttana, basyn shulǵyp qalǵan saiyn, uzyn tumsyǵy kókiregin shoqyp, burynǵy baidy, bidi, kósemderdi maqtaǵan aqyndardyń óleńderin óz sóziniń arasyna sheberlikpen synalap-synalap jiberip, qutyrta soǵady. Eskiniń bárin umytqan, kitap oqymaityn qazirgi qaýymǵa munyń qyp-qyzyl urlyq ekenin jópeldemede, saxnada otyryp, qalai dáleldeisiń... Jańaǵy "qudyretten" seskenip qalǵan qý, endi sypaiylap bastap, áýeli: "Baitaqtan ozyp báige alǵan - Alashta tulpar ózińsiń!" dep, kókidi. Jaraidy dedim... Odan: "Zamannyń eri - arystan, aqyldyń keni - danyshpan..." dep, tantydy... Jambyldan jymqyryp alǵanyn kórip otyrsam da, syr bermedim. Shydadym... Aqyry, anturǵan, dúiim jurttyń kózin baqyraityp qoiyp: "Asqar taýym, arysym - Ǵalamǵa ketti dabysyń! - Azǵantai myna qazaqqa - Allanyń bergen baǵysyń!" dep salǵanda... meniń kózim qaraýytyp ketti... Jurt dúr ete qaldy... Sol arada, álsirep, bir sát talyqsyp ketken ekenmin...
Esimdi jiyp, zalǵa qarasam – qazylar alqasynda otyrǵan shal-shaýqandar da "ne degen obraz, ne degen teńeýler!" desip, bas shulǵysyp, tańdai qaǵysyp, máz-meiram! Zal toly xalyq ý da shý... Ysqyryq, qiqý... Túńildim!.. Biraq mende ne shara?.. Qaita tóbelesýge bolmaidy... Endi shataq shyǵarsam, saxnadan qýylatynym anyq... Onda maǵan mashina joq!.. Ashýlanǵanda aýyzǵa sóz túse me - qarama-qarsy otyryp alyp, uialmai-qyzarmai, atamzamanǵy aqyndardan urlap madaq aityp, abyroiymdy airandai tógip abyroi jinap alǵan myna plagiatshy súmelekke degen sharasyz yzadan, dármensizdikten jáne... qarymta madaqqa sóz tappai, sarqylyp, janym qysylǵannan... aýa jetpei, sol arada esim birjola aýyp, ishegi buralyp, shanaǵy qańsyp qalǵan baiǵus dombyramdy qushaqtaǵan kúii, shapanym jelbeń etip, oryndyǵymnan aýyp túsippin... Nokaýt!.. Kónekbas boksshydai bolý qaida bizge... Es-tussyz talyp jatqan meni ózi óltirgen Gektordyń múrdesin arbaǵa bailap, ala qashqan Axillestei, jeńimpaz qarsylasym dyryldatyp, saxnadan súirep alyp ketipti... Súirep júrgende, shapanym sheshilip saxnada qalypty. Meili... Endi onyń maǵan keregi joq... Bir mashina úshin jan alyp, jan berisken tarixi aitystyń jaiy osylai boldy. Endigi qalǵan kári qoidyń jasyndai sholaq ǵumyrymnyń ańsary, máni, maǵynasyna ainalǵan qairan mashina ana boqtashaq sarynyń taqymynda ketti. Meniń aityskerlik ǵumyrbaianym da sonymen támam boldy.
Ras, jýrnalisterdiń jazýynsha, bul, shynynda da tarixi aitys bolypty-mys... Durys qoi... Biraq maǵan túk paidasy joq tarixta qalýdyń qajeti ne?.. Maǵan mashina kerek!.. Aiaýly aty-jónim tarixqa engenge deiin, ataq-syilyqsyz ótip bara jatqan ómirime aldanysh izdep, amaldap tirlik etý kerek... Túsinesiz be?!. Men tarixta qalar jaqsy atymdy jaqsy bir kólikke oilanbai aiyrbastaýǵa áli de daiynmyn... Jáne ondai múmkindikten kúderimdi de úzbeimin... "Úmitsiz - shaitan"...
Tursynjan Shapai, jazýshy, ádebiet synshysy, kompozitor
Eskertý: Avtordyń kózqarasy redaktsiia ustanymyn bildirmeidi.
Derekkózi: azattyq.org
